10. Secretly replace the baby's formula with Folger's Crystals.
9. Get a couple of old refrigerator boxes and paint them up to look
like a toll booth. Set it up on your favorite street corner and watch
the quarters roll in.
8. Make yourself up like you've been in a horrible, mutilating
accident, then go to the emergency room of the nearest hospital. When
approached by a nurse or doctor, say, "No, thank-you, I'm just
7. Call the Microsoft Support Line and insist on speaking directly to
Bill Gates. Tell them that MS-DOS was your idea and you demand
royalties. Demand Bill's home phone number. Get verbally abusive when
they refuse you.
6. Two words: Cherry Bomb.
5. Make two dinner revservations at the finest restaurant you can
find, then dress yourself and a goat in tuxedos. When the Management
refuses you service, insist that the animal is a seeing-eye goat. For
added effect, feed the goat a few boxes of EX-LAX before you arrive.
4. Join the Ku Klux Klan and when you find out where the next
cross-burning will be held, invite 70-80 of your best, biggest and
strongest African-American friends. Have them remove their sheets at a
3. Order a pizza and tell them to "hold" the crust.
2. Tape computer boards and cards all over your body and walk around
the streets screaming, "I'M STEVE AUSTIN, THE SIX MILLION DOLLAR